It’s Christmas Eve, and as I tidy
up the kitchen feeling like an Anthropologist (drinking coffee from my new “M”
mug my BFF Renee got me from Anthropologie), I laugh at myself at how silly and
goofy I have been feeling and acting lately.
It was only three days ago, that I, in the same messy kitchen,
completely lost it and fell apart in front of my daughter Macy, who I must have
really freaked out, because she called me several times during that day to
“just say Hi”, and to “just seeing if you need anything”, “love you Mom”…
The whole week I had been
feeling yucky and holiday stressing myself out over finishing my shopping,
making sure the house was ready, do I have enough presents for everybody (it
has to be absolutely equal you
know). I had a cold I couldn’t get rid
of, I was down in my back, pulled a muscle in my shoulder, and it was not a
good time of the month, if you know…yeah, you know…
I sat at our kitchen bar
talking to Macy and out of absolutely nowhere, started sobbing like a little
girl explaining to her that we hadn’t really done a whole lot of Christmas
stuff. I apologized that I had been in
such a funk. I was in such a hurry that
I hadn’t planned the vital holiday family “stuff”. That was my job right? I’m the Mom.
I continued, almost inaudible I’m sure, crying about how we hadn’t been
to see any Christmas lights, or family shopping days, or Christmas lunches, we
hadn’t seen Christmas Vacation “as a family” yet, and most of all, I almost
bellowed…we hadn’t made any Christmas cookies.
I wanted her and her sister to have wonderful blissful Holiday memories
at home with Mom and Dad. Everybody was
posting pictures of their beautiful bakes on Facebook and I sat here in a dirty kitchen
feeling like death warmed over. I was a
failure as the Matriarch.
As quick as my tears came on,
the look on Macy’s face at my bizarre outpour sent me into crazy psychotic
laughter. We both got a jolly kick out
of my lunacy for a good while! She
explained to me that Christmas wasn’t about making sure to plan a certain night
to go look at lights, or making sure that we all sit down at exactly the same
time to watch the Griswold’s, or making Christmas cookies that no one in this
house really knows how to make anyway (I’m a cook, but not a baker). She let me in on the secret that she and her
sister, Mackenzie, love Slice & Bake cookies and Rice Krispy Treats just fine
(that’s really the extent of my baking ability), and are really thrilled when I
don’t ask them to help. She told me that it was OK that I didn’t make
Christmas cookies, and that it was OK to leave the fancy baking to those who
love it, and who are good at it, like my cousins Cindy and Kelly, Cody’s mom Lutricia, Misty Congie,
and the Pillsbury’s. She was right on
time with her words. It was one of those
“Christmas, perhaps, means a little more” moments. She is a wise young woman who I am so
thankful for. She assured me that she
and her little sister (who I am also so very thankful for) have had a wonderful
childhood and love all of their memories and I was an amazing, beautiful,
fantastic, astounding, incredible mother (hee hee), well…anyway, she talked me
off my ledge.
The next day we all got up
and went to church, Olive Garden for lunch, and then I ditched the family (after
their begging and pleading) and headed to the mall and the grocery store. That night we made sliders, Velveeta shells
and homemade french fried potatoes. Me
and my Kelly, Macy, Mackenzie, Cody and Gavin.
I was in my happy place. This is
my fun holiday. So much family and love
right there. Sometimes I wish could
freeze time. Bottle it up and keep it
this way forever.
That night we had sooooo much
wonderful dessert. We all munched out on
our Christmas gift from the Congie’s, homemade Christmas cookies, pastries, you
name it! MeMe (Kathy Rainwater) had
baked us some yummy pumpkin bread. Misty
Harmon brought us over some delicious chocolate Buckeyes. All homemade!
Everything. I am so thankful that I
have these beautiful people in my life.
Oh…and Mackenzie, with the
help of Gavin, Macy and Cody…made Rice Krispy Treats.
As the first Christmas passes without my mom I find it's such a blessing to have our wonderful daughters who talk us off our ledges. I, like you, could not have a better gift than our daughters. Merry Christmas Michelle. I miss you and the time we spent together.
ReplyDeleteI love you Wanda! I do miss you so :) You are so right, we are very blessed to have these daughters of ours to keep us off these ledges that we find ourselves on, often!! I've thought about you the last couple of days being without your Mom, and I've been praying. It is so hard to try to find a new normal without that big part of who we are, but we do, and you will. I love you!! Party in May??? Hope I see you before then! Muah!
DeleteMichelle.. Oh how I loved reading this. Your post actually brought tears to my eyes. I think we all experience the "should of, could of" every now and then. I want to say that I think you are a wonderful Mother, who always puts her family first, and you have really been an inspiration to me and my family. Your family is so loving to each other, so happy and we absolutely love how much you adore our son. You, my friend, are doing a wonderful job with your girls and your husband! I am so blessed to have you in my life now! Merry Christmas to you guys!! HUGS!! <3
ReplyDeleteThank you Misty! This means so much to me, you all mean so much! You are so wonderful, and Gavin is shining proof of what a fantastic family and role models that you are. Y'all are really like our family!! You are truly an inspiration to me too!! I'm so glad that we've gotten to be good friends, and I know that we always will be!! Thanks so much for these sweet words, they have made my day! I love you! :))
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